The piece explores, from a personal point of view, what art is and is not.



So I pitched a tent on cyberspace. For the love of art and all that surrounds it, I came up with a blog, Lit ‘n’ Life. Just recently, I came to the conclusion that what I do on the blog couldn’t be art; it is rather art in an inchoate form. The fact that I write; that I appreciate literature most times conceals from me the reality that there is much to art than what is scribbled and read. It is so with other forms of art too. Until recently, I’ve not had any reason to consider the boredom inherent in being obsessed with books. I mean being obsessed with no other thing but books. They are beneficial nonetheless, but there are vacuums they can’t just fill. You don’t go munching on pages of poetry when hunger gnaws at you; neither do you offer your in-laws books in place of a bride price. The problem with being obsessed with just books hits you hard on the face when you find yourself seeking succour as a result of the psychological labyrinth a Fyodor Dostoevsky work, for instance throws you. I must confess that nothing else grants relief at such time but another form of art. It could be music, a cup of beer or coffee. Better or worse still, marijuana could be a good option. For me, whatever it is, is art. Then, art could only be one thing: all.

So can I define art? No, because it is like clearing the grime in the Augean stable. I can only express some thoughts. Yes, that’s what they are - thoughts; metaphors of what art is. I prefer to say art is all, though that is relative to me. Denying that art is all will amount to denying the fact that all that man does – positive or otherwise - is reliant on creativity. After all, man, was brought to life that he himself may bring to life; create. To bring to life (whether concrete or abstract) is what art does. 

So art is what my grandmother does to bring yellow, fluffy banku- a Ghanaian delicacy - out of corn; as it is with me eating it and thereafter, manipulating words on my mini PC, Tobby. Art is what kukere is to Iyanya as moonwalking was to Michael Jackson. Art is a lady pleasuring herself with a pen in between butterflied legs; or a man making his wife come. Art is Tyler Perry playing Madea and Jamie Foxx, Django; it is Miley Cyrus twerking, as it is you reading and punching the screen before you because you don’t agree all these could be art…art is all, even madness.

So here is what art is not: a hermit. It works better when it does not exist in isolation. Kenyan author, Okwiri Oduor says ‘All art, not just writing, is incestuous.’ I’ve thought well about this and all I can come up with are reminiscences of the effects the unity of different art forms have had on me. I remember the night Enya tunes nudged me on to disregard the prolixity of reading the diary of thirteen year old Anne Frank till the last leaf was turned. I remember the pleasure I derive reading Saraba’s Art issue and most importantly, feeding my eyes on its delectable offering of illustrative landscapes. Art,to me becomes either bland or out-dated when it is devoid of incestuous tendencies. Whatever is regarded as art has the liberty to be incestuous for therein lies its sustainability. Its strength. I often wonder why Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Half of a Yellow Sun and Abimbola Egbokhare’s Dazzling Mirage must be adapted into movies. Here are possible reasons: the interaction between art forms can only bring about newness; and newness can only lead to the protraction of discourses. By the way, same has happened to other great works like Beowulf and Shakespeare’s plays.

So art is what comes off the merger of storytelling and motion pictures; literature and photography (as exhibited in Klorofyl and Saraba magazines); culture and technology (as is peculiar to Jepchumba’s African Digital Art); photography and blogging as it is portrayed on Emeka Okereke’s Invisible Borders, and the like. Realizing this, I have decided to clip the feathers on my shoulders. It is no longer a special thing that I write. The special thing is this: art is all and we are all artists: you, my grandmother, Iyanya, Tyler, Miley, Enya and me. We create. Most importantly, we see to it that art remains incestuous.

First published in the print version of The Clip Magazine.



I acknowledge the fact that life is filled with opposites; that the clichéd ‘there are two sides to a coin’ maxim finds substance in life’s conflicting nature. Here I am, my ‘x’ (read about it here) is in its third month. Ours is a drama that has failed to reach a resolve.And adrama that fails to have a resolution is itself a manifestation of the second side of the coin. It is no anomaly. It is just one of those things. Take it from me, one gets to understand life the more when you are put through its converse. There is truth in the converse. Always.

As it is, confessions abound that I must make. First, I am not becoming devilish if I say I have prayed enough, and that I am tired. That I have decided to stop fasting for a divine hand to right things wrecked by mortal hands. Take it from me or spit it back in my face, I am being man. And it’s all for good.

I must also tell you that I am being man, like the warring academic and Abuja things, if I say that I am now on the other side of the life I am used to. That I have ported. That I have migrated to a new living plan,on the other side of the classroom.

On this other side of my life, I have to wake between 4 and 5 am (notwithstanding when I sink my weight into bed after writing lesson notes), to avoid some proprietor’s spit-laced hot words. Doing that is not new though. When my wet dreams take longer to reach a climax and I wake an hour or so later than the usual time, I play
the bad boy. I evade morning chores, and hang them smartly on my mum’s neck.‘She looks pretty ugly in them,’ dad reports every time I play the cruel game. ‘Her boss is a bit lenient,’ he would add, mum smiling. Then, I ‘Oh!’ and plant a kiss on her forehead. Don’t blame me; it’s me on the other side of life. Mum understands too.

On this other side of my life, it becomes more glaring what one of the problems of the nation’s educational system is. It’s not all about ASUU and the FG #dodgesclubs. It’s partly about those on the other side of the classroom; the teachers. I have become one, on this other side. 

I chalk the board and my fingers every day, kids watching me slug it out with English Language and Literature. They laugh at my jokes too, but little do they know that deep inside of me, I weep for what may befall them. I mean the unlucky ones. What does one say of a fellow teacher who finds it difficult to express himself in simple English or who is in every way incompetent? For me, he evokes reminiscences of my years under some university lecturers who are his ilk. I am not making comparisons here. I am rather drawing parallels from different levels. The fact is this, I just know a good teacher when I see one. All it takes is a few minutes under such person’s tutelage. I feel like rubbing this particular co-worker off the cosmos of the school.That’s not all I feel, by the way. I feel like doing that which I have no power to do: getting a replacement to step in his shoes; to take over his subjects. Yes, subjects! That is what it is on the other side of my life.You have to be hydra-headed; a combine harvester. You teach more than one subject, and at least six periods of forty minutes every day of the week. Because I have to mind my issues; paddle my canoe. I have left the fates of the little ones to stick up for them #theguiltbites.

On this other side of my life, writing has become an issue. That is why I am always keen on dodging the ‘writer’ tag. I can’t be one. Not now. Snips of unfinished pieces keep accumulating on my phone and Tobby. The most painful of them is the review of Saraba’s Art issue which I haven’t been able to get through with. However, I have been devouring webpages like my life depends on them. Thanks to avid bloggers, the entries for Etisalat prize for flash fiction and the pieces of erotica that splatter the internet. Yes, EROTICA. Sex, not necessarily the act but an apt documentation of it. Reading sex could be a good thing.You could read an erotica piece I was made to write by a crazy duo here.

On this other side, life is not stalled. It’s like a moving train. You have so much to say that time wouldn’t permit.You either throttle the muse’s flow or face the consequences. I can’t tell it all, the pain, joy, lessons and all I’ve got here. They may be hard to take in, but life’s fuller on this side. Trust me.

#getyourassoffthatcomfortzone

***

It’s a harvest of barkas this month. Barka de Salah to Muslims around the globe #ramdeliverythingz. And it’s barka de birthday to me, in advance. Last year’s was a Salah birthday. This year’s will be days after Salah. I’m hyper-glad!

For Mummy EOO



I

His grandfather. It dawned on him that he wouldn’t want to be like the old man, as rich as he was. The name ‘Babatunde’ was a means of making him fill his void in the cosmos, the family in particular. He thought of the void and what had caused it. He thought of himself. He thought of death. He decided to drop a name. The name. He could opt for a better one; one without meaning. He picked I. I, for the love of its insignificance.

For the fear of Death, he is I.



II

Insignificance. Death attends to it like it would its converse, the consequential. I does not know. I is he who perfumes the air with the fart that must not reek; he wishes to live and not die.


III

Wish. I wishes death would come for him at some ninety-something years; early on a Sunday morning and in an atmosphere drenched in showers of kinship and the resonance of hymns.

I, like most mortals often forgets that it is divine to grant or prohibit, human to wish. I needs to know Armattoe.


IV

Death’s an obedient messenger of nature, the divine... I has learnt to scream at it. ‘Enough!’ he says when death strikes close by. This, I does amidst tongues and Psalms of rebuke. He seems not to know that death’s no kid such as would be scared by the sternest of orders. Rather than dart, hot urine cascading its thighs, it waits for its moment. That moment when I’s clock would cease to tick.


V

…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…




Me

I can’t wait to escape the walls of uni. Scaling them has crossed my mind. Once or twice. If only they are visible. I’ve also thought of doing stuffs that will make the school authority throw me out. But erm…I no just fit.

School work can really be a distraction. It looks attractive. Especially, when it is in the bikini of ajebutter schools. It is when you are done with it that you smell the reality it has always shielded from you. The fire that smokes out the rat-of-the-potential-in-you. That’s not my problem anyway. I am not waiting for the distraction to clear off. I’m facing reality. Head-on.

I allowed the internet and its trappings spill out of my life for some time. Passively o, because I could not but part the curtains for peeps sometimes. This was after Vero’ and when I discovered that my undergrad Literature texts were piling up.

In no time, Facebook, Blogger, Google+, Youtube and Twitter gave way to GoogleScholar and JSTOR. SparkNotes, on those occasions when I fail to meet the deadlines for the reading of certain texts. That didn’t prevent me from joining the Caine Prize arguments (‘brouhaha’ will be unkind) though. I read the five shortlists and fortunately, the only story I reviewed (and kept on my PC) won the prize. Don’t even try inferring anything from there. Of Caine Prize, miracles and the cocoyam tubers thereafter, I’m saying no more. E yaf end like that.

Of book reviews? That’s another part of me that suffered during my un-internet-ed days. I did one though. I read Chimeka Garrick’s Tomorrow Died Yesterday and did what a friend called an ‘exo-skeletal review’ here.

Gat to say something now!

I’m back online. And bored. The silence here is killing. It is too loud. I’ve got to hush it.


I’m back online and it’s like I’m seeing stuffs I don’t see before. Or maybe I’ve been insensitive all this while. The Facebook updates (I haven’t noticed it on Twitter though) I see these days are devoid of the intellectual depth I expect from this generation of ours. It annoys me; makes me feel that the internet has become a RANTOSPHERE. Log in. Post your personal rubbish. Earn likes and shares. Comments, sometimes. Log out!

That is not to say folks don’t put up reasonable stuffs on this medium. They still do (and I love group discourses, like those that happened while waiting for the announcement of the 2013 Caine Prize winner as well as those on the #childnotwife blah). The occasional irrelevances that feature just get on my nerves.

I’ve always thought that aside the social function the internet serves, it should brim with ideas meant to transform the cosmos. But what do we see? Updates on how delicious somebody’s last meal was; how a new pair of bum shorts stands gidigba on some ass…

Abegi! What significance lurks in those?

I am reading The Diary of Anne Frank, and I can’t but wonder what a thirteen year old would do with his or her device if s/he was to be in little Anne’s situation, in this Facebook era. Here is a possible update:

‘Just checked into the bush to do a number two. Gush! My backside’s shrinking!’

‘So?’ is not always far from my reach when I see such. I make a long face, hurling expletives at an imaginary poster.

Linda Ikeji could have passed for an imaginary character in some dreamer’s fiction, some ten years ago. The internet has made her realistic. Through her, I’ve come to realise the power the internet has in checking certain excesses in the society. My premise is contained in the fear big shots have for bloggers.

I wonder what people think when they say Linda is aproko. I ask them to take the nearest route to hell. She is making all the money from the internet and there you are, wearing your teeth and saliva, complaining that Nigeria is no good. You are no better!

She is making all the bread and there you are, spending on chatters that don’t fetch you a dime in return. BBM. Whatsapp. 2go too!

See! I know a friend who was outlived by his BB. It happened on a highway. He was smiling, fingering lols and SMHs into his qwerty-key-ed device. A car kissed his ass. And its driver honked: lol lol lol. He sped off. That’s all!


After singing the last hymn at his funeral, I said lol in place of Amen. His end, not the hymn’s, was funny. So is this generation. It perpetrates vices and nuisances with what it could have channelled into earning itself a distinctive voice. It’s the ‘no time’ generation.

The ‘no time’ generation conjures so many polopolo (forgive Olamide’s patois) to produce speedy results. They gat no time. They laugh scornfully at the old-school-ness and sluggish-ness of generations running before. Daddies and mummies will never understand them. Try tracking them. You’ll find them wandering aimlessly in the labyrinth that is them.

Excuse Them!

They own improvisations. Shortcuts. They avoid the sweat of the cursing Gawd of Eden, yahoo-yahoo-ing to fame. They prefer internet porn to the fun derivable from intellectual enterprises…

Though I exist in the same temporal space with them, I am not one with them. I am not of them. I hold a different view in matters that concern the internet and the social media:

The internet is a gift (certainly the best) to this generation; the symbol of a cunt with many orifices. Like Farad, it is a head made of many other heads. You do it well or otherwise. I’ve seen folks give it orgasms. Don’t ask me how. Do it your own GOOD and PURPOSEFUL way.
***
Lit ‘n’ Life  wishes our Muslim brethren a blessed Ramadan. Follow me on Twitter

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For Mummy EOO I His grandfather. It dawned on him that he wouldn’t want to be like the old man, as rich as he was. The name ...

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