Very early one morning, not too long ago, I was roused by the thought of how some time ago, a year or so, some bloggers took to the internet to talk about the next big things in their lives and careers.  I didn’t know why such memory would stomp into my mind, and at such time. I was actually dreaming of an eternity in the bosom of a crush. We were about kissing when this thought landed in my head. I hissed and jumped out of bed. Such are the travails of a writer! I’m glad the thought came actually. I had been sleeping (and dreaming) too much. A walk to the loo and back was all that followed and got me sane enough to think as well as come up with this.

The idea of the next big thing, I observe, presupposes that there have been things before. Big things! Life is a complex phenomenon to me and by the way, I doubt if it is really simple to other people. Despite its many complexities, I like it and would like to continue being part of its intricate drama. Hence, I hate death…! To some people, this is unbelief and unchristian. I can imagine someone making a ‘Make dis guy park well’ face. Warefa! I have parked and I did it so well it won’t prevent me from making my point. Thank you.

A year ago, after regaining her health, a friend came visiting.  Happy as we both were, I was expecting her, as always, to initiate the normal sweetrat, tom tom expressions with which we greet ourselves. She didn’t. We hugged and what followed was ‘You are scared of death. I saw it on your face!’ ‘AY, I’m not scared of death,’ she ended. Those words, I won’t forget in a long time. I didn’t deny her observation though. As I write this, I cannot but imagine that she was drunk on something that had totally formatted from her head what she experienced on the sick bed some days before. She had asked a friend to inform me that she was at the hospital. I rushed down and found her a different person. She was there lying on the hospital bed with some friends around her. She was pale, and could hardly talk. I could measure her pain by the cakes of dried tears that lined her face. 

I can’t imagine what she saw on my face that made her come up with that inference. However, I must say, as I held one of her hands on the said day, all I could think about was how young we were (and still are) and how we had/have not really made our marks in the world. I thought about the dreams we had shared. I imagined the impending impossibility of attaining her much cherished big thing: winning the Booker Prize.

Again, I am scared of death…. And for one reason. Death, to me is like a board cleaner. It wipes everything about one off the board that is life. Just like that! ‘Shit!’ you said? Death is shit and when it happens, it does all it can to make a mess of people. I see that happen to a whole lot of people and the fact that I don’t want same happening to me is the reason I fear death... Was life a white board, I would like to be scribbled on it with a permanent board marker such that my impacts, my big things, would be forever etched on the memories of the people after me. But where are the big things to be written about me?

Life’s complex, it’s a mirage of some sort; it’s a labyrinth. It’s doing one thing before the other. It’s achieving big things one after the other. It could signify the converse of all these too. So, I woke up that morning thinking about what the current big thing is for me and most importantly, what the next big thing(s) would be. Life’s so unpredictable I couldn’t (and still can’t) say assertively what the next big thing is. But I have visions of it. Yes, I do! Perhaps, it could be that one thing I fear: DEATH, AFTER A PALTRY, WORTHLESS LIFE. 

This is what I mean: I fear death only when it is subsequent to a paltry, worthless existence. However, the next thing for me can’t be death! It is that big, doro thing. And I would entertain no fear in my pursuit. My friend’s doing same. You should too.

Do have a lovely day ahead.

6 comments:

hmmmmmn. AY and death sha. I'll be ryt back

I see you are pragmatic in your approach of death.

Of course, the next big thing mustn't be death. The next big thing is the big-thing-coming-soon.

#awesome! #DoroPiece

@Anonymous. Thanks. You are right.
@ Joseph Omotayo. The next big thing is the big--thing-coming-soon. Yeah! Thanks for reading.

Thanks, doro-person. Lol

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